Aftereffects.

This straight-from-the-heart experience was written days ago. After breathing in a whole lot of air and much filtering, here goes.


Over these few days of being physically incapable of doing much, I've been putting some thoughts into the whole 'tunas harapan' issue. and just so you know, I'm not doing this so I can get one of those glass pieces, I'm way over that.

Throughout my 5 high school years, I've been putting in my best, exhausting myself time after time, failing, getting back up, rinsing and repeating the whole process. Be it something big like academics, sports or leadership to doing tiny little things like shutting the class up and designing t-shirts & flyers.

People ask me what I feel about not getting the tunas harapan award. I return them with a question, if you were me, what would you feel?

I'll tell you for sure, it really does suck to not feel appreciated.

True, the phrase 'leadership through servant hood' makes it less bitter to deal with, but pouring 5 years of your life away, feeling so vulnerable and then watching your friends get an award to be appreciated for their effort in making the school a better place. Man, that's just gotta hurt a whole lot.

I acted like I couldn't care much but it really did crush me on the inside. I was disappointed with life (not till the extend of slitting my wrists lah, what were you thinking).

Picking up the pieces and moving on, it has come to my realization that me being award-less does not mean I did not contribute to the school. I very well know what I've done throughout my high school years, the good and the bad, and I can say with my head up high, I am proud of it, every single one of em.

Having 4 months left in high school with a new perspective towards the things and people around me, how harsh life can be sometimes, I'll be a gentlewoman and stick to my words. This whole event has really disappointed me to the max but I shall complete everything I started.
"Hit the jackpot (or at least try) at the BK Quiz, finish up the school magazine, score the home run for SPM and have the time of my life with my friends."

After all, I'm doing this for God.

Bye. (there isn't any conclusion)

(to that teacher whom said I'll get an award at the end of the year for my services, c'mon, you really think I give a ___ for it? It just sounded like someone feels guilty.)