Rude Awakening.

*This post was written last Thursday.* Hi there. I am four-fifths on my way to completing my second Evaluation Exams. What is left is my Career and Enterprise paper on Friday. A few months and two more major examinations: Mock Exams and WACE Exams separate me from graduating with a Pre-University certificate. And at times like these, I stop to wonder and contemplate upon things. I enrolled myself into a reputable private college because I wanted the exposure, something I wasn’t privileged or rather, overly privileged to experience throughout my entire schooling life. Things are different around here. I don’t skip classes as much and I don’t feel that powerful anymore. Simply put, I am slowly being absorbed into the education system. Instead of previously being able to skip school days to do the things I truly enjoy, or maybe even being able to have a say

at how things works around here, I can’t. Instead, I follow what is set upon me, and as an effect, creation and creativity are at my lowest levels. Heck, even in the sense of being who I am. Studying in such a big college, individuality and straying away from the standard deviation are big no-nos. What is expected of me is to study my butt off, pass up my assignments on time and score well in my exams. The major problem with this system is, scoring well only implies that you are a capable test-taker. You know the nooks and crannies of a test and are able to take advantage of that. To the people who skip classes to do what they truly love, I salute you. To the people who doodle on their notebooks because they enjoy art, I salute you. To those that grab on every opportunity to perform, I salute you. As for me, everything I once had passion for, has been slowly disappearing into thin air.

My lenses are chucked somewhere. My blog is almost dying. I don’t create crazy and adventurous to-do lists anymore. My orange wall is only filled with education-related materials: my academic calendar, my exams timetable and a list of chapters I need to study. Horror. And as I am two and a half months away from graduation, this also means that time is running out and I once again, have to choose my path in life. For those of you who don’t know, I used A-Levels and AUSMAT to stall time from having to figure out what the heck I want to do with my life. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I barely have any interests left because I saw every subject as something I had to score, and I excelled at every one of them just for the purpose of excelling, not truly learning. And, now I’m scared.

This is a rude awakening.

Do I regret? Absolutely not.

Because what doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger.